While out shoveling his drive Wednesday morning, local Minnesota man Carl Manders was forced to warm himself inside the carcass of his recently deceased Tauntaun, sources confirmed.
Manders got to the end of the drive and realized he would never make it back to the house alive. His tauntaun froze to death and collapsed on the spot. In a tough situation, he made the difficult decision to slit the beast open and slip himself inside its hot, steamy entrails.
Before he headed outside, his wife reportedly warned him that his tauntaun would freeze before he reached the sidewalk, but he gruffly responded, “Then I’ll see you in heck.” Her warning turned out to be correct, however, and the Manders’ tauntaun ranch is now short one of the magnificent beasts.
His only comment was “I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”
After this historic cold wave, the family is reportedly considering moving to Mexico to raise rancors.
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Alex D is a conservative journalist, who covers all issues of importance for conservatives. He writes for Supreme Insider, Red State Nation, Defiant America, Right Journalism, Conservative US. He brings attention and insight from what happens in the White House to the streets of American towns, because it all has an impact on our future, and the country left for our children. Exposing the truth is his ultimate goal, mixed with wit where it’s appropriate, and feels that journalism shouldn’t be censored. Join him & let’s spread the good word!